There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize