dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
