you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
