Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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