i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
