I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
