I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
