last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Can you bring me the toilet please
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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