sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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