I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
