i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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