Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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