Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
