our cab driver is having phone sex.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
