When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize