chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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