I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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