I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
