finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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