Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
