mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
