Are we in a gay sports bar?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We are two peas in an std pod
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
