I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
