just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Come on in and take your pants off
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