Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
