All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
