Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
