are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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