ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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