that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
