So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
