we have pet lesbian snakes
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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