i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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