SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The power of my boobs compel you
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
