I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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