i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
