Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
