I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
