Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
