Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
