Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
