im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
