I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
