she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
love makes seman taste better
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Randomize
