It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
