i wish peter jackson would direct porn
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
