super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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