well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
