Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
