An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize