His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
