your thong is hanging out like whoa
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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