I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
