when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
