my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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