If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
