I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
