I wish my penis had an off switch
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
