Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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