i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
