I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
