boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
