I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
