just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
