I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
she looked like the before picture.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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