Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
